Here is a “hypothetical” which is 100% plausible if you are a Commonwealth Bank customer, under old Ebenezer Comyn’s recent revenue generating initiative to increase his annual bonus:

“Commonwealth Bank Customer wants to close an account with a balance of $2. The rural based customer first had to travel 2 hours to get to a Commonwealth Bank Branch due to the hundreds of Branch closures that Bank CEO Comyn and merry band of sycophants had implemented.

The Commonwealth Bank Customer then had to que for almost an hour at a Commonwealth Bank Branch due to the lack of Commonwealth Bank Tellers. Oh, for those of you who are from a younger generation, a Bank Teller was a human person who you could talk face to face, interacting with customers, processing deposits and withdrawals and assisting with various financial transactions, at NO CHARGE (visit any museum and you can learn about what a Historical Bank Teller was).

Finally, the Commonwealth Bank Customer gets to head of the snake like que and explains that they want to close their account. The Commonwealth Bank Teller explained that due to My Comyn’s newly introduced processing fee (another phrase/word for a Banking tax or legal theft) the Commonwealth Bank Customer would have to forfeit the balance of $2 plus pay the Commonwealth Bank a further $1 to complete the transaction.

The friendly Teller explained that there was a leaked email sent to all Commonwealth Bank senior Managers and Executives that Mr Comyn needed to increase his CEO’s annual Bonuses. The leaked email suggested that due to inflation pressures, he was finding it difficult to make ends meet. Apparently, a Million of dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Needless to say the poor old Commonwealth Bank past Customer reluctantly paid the $1. Moral of the story, if you are a current Commonwealth Bank Customer, think long and hard if this Bank is right for you. Voting with your feet is the only “noise” that they listen too.